On Being Real
This has kept coming up for me over the last few days - “being real” … being real with our fellow Christians, being real with the world, and most importantly being real with God.
I’m going to think about these three types of being real one at a time.
Being real with our fellow Christians
Maybe I’ve blogged about this before … but something that has often bothered me with Churches is that when people say to you “Good morning, how are you?” they don’t really want to know. Or if they do, they only want to hear the good stuff. I feel that the only response I can give is “fine thankyou”, or at the worst “not too bad, though I have a bit of a cold” or something like that. I’ve never been able to say “actually, I’m having a bit of a bad day today - my children are in awkward moods, I’ve not had enough sleep and I have pmt!”. I think those doorstep greeters would run a mile! Of course I am making gross generalisations here I realise - there are surely many people who greet at church doors who genuinely do care, and the people being greeted can sense that and can answer truthfully. However in most churches I have been in, this has been the feeling I’ve had. It could of course just be me - I’m quite a shy person.
And what happens if you have a real problem and need help? What happens if your marriage is in trouble, or you’re depressed … what if you’ve had a one night stand, what if you’ve been unfaithful, what if you’ve lied, cheated, stolen … what if you really really need help? Would you feel comfortable talking to someone at Church? Would I? No - I would feel ashamed, embarassed - I would feel that I couldn’t possibly admit that I had done anything bad, or failed in any way, because we’re all meant to be perfect, aren’t we?!
If more people could be real, then wouldn’t the church be more welcoming, more friendly and less scarey and wouldn’t a passing person with all their issues, brokenness, sin, confusion be more likely to wander in seeking Jesus if they felt they would be welcomed and accepted no matter what? Jesus spent time with some of the people in society at the time who were the lowest of the low - he didn’t condemn them - he accepted them warts and all.
It is a dream of mine (fantasy perhaps) that I could find a church of some sort (not necessarily the traditional concept of church) where I would feel welcomed, accepted, loved … and actually free to be real. Maybe I should make more of an effort to be real in the church I already go to … maybe if I ignore the “church etiquette” and actually be honest and truthful myself then reality might spread further? Or should I start up my own church in my living room as I pondered about before?
I have the distinct impression that there is more of the fellowship and love going on under the surface at church - in smaller groups that meet in different circumstances. Maybe there’s prayer meetings that people get involved in which turn into fellowship groups at the same time. Maybe there’s weekday meetings for “older” people, or Mums & toddlers groups or things like that where people can get to know eachother better and get that fellowship and love thing going on. But for those of us who can’t get to many of these meetings … or those of us who are too shy to try … how do we get it? Where do we find the fellowship and love we seek - not at a Sunday morning service as far as I can see.
Being real with the world
Sometimes I think that there is a bit of a mix up. In the media you hear about someone who “claims to be a Christian” who did something stupid/bad/terrible. There’s all kind of outcry about how can they say they are Christian if they did this thing. Somehow it seems that people have got the wrong end of the stick and expect Christians to be perfect. Of course we want to show the world that Christians are good people, but surely the world needs to see the reality? Christians are just normal people who make mistakes the same as everyone else. What we need to let the rest of the world see is how we deal with our mistakes, how we get through our trials and tribulations, how we deal with life. We need to live our lives the best we can - try and be the best we can be … but admit when we are struggling, admit that we are not perfect, that without God we would be nothing special.
Being real with God
In my post for the CWO meme I had some comments that really spoke out to me. Debbie said “God is good to us, loves us and cares for us, even during a temper tantrum!” and Heather said “Isnt it great that we can be real with our Father, and he still loves us, in fact he desires our honest emotions?!”. It made me think of the Psalms. I never used to rate the book of Psalms much (sorry how awful of me!) but now I realise what a fabulous part of the bible they are! When I was going through a bit of a rough time last October and was feeling hurt and betrayed I found myself reading the Psalms and found that I wasn’t the first person to feel like this … and that I can come to God with these feelings. I’ve learned that God really wants our honesty - he doesn’t want us to come with fancy prayers and make out all is perfect in our world … he wants us to tell it like it is. If we’re angry, he can take it - if we’re heartbroken, he can feel it with us - if we’re feeling betrayed and hurt, he can feel that pain with us and share the burden. In fact “burden” is the word I need - whatever is burdening us, weighing us down, stopping us from truly living … he wants to know about it - he wants to share it - he wants to take that burden off our shoulders and carry it on his own. How fantastic is it that the holy God, the Lord Most High, should want to stoop down to lowly little me and listen to me rant and rage, cry and sob, have a tantrum … let it all out and hand it over to him.
To summarise …
Sorry this is turning into an essay! It’s just me sorting out my thoughts really. So to summarise I think that it’s really important to be real in all of our lives - to be real with eachother - Christian and non-Christian … and to be real with our Father God. Honesty is the best policy!! 
July 18th, 2006 at 10:49 pm
oh the cry of my heart! have you been in my head or something? The thign that troubles me the most is the people who desperately call for us all to eb real like that, publically, from the front of the meeting, and then when you get real with them they freak!
July 18th, 2006 at 10:53 pm
What an important truth. It is so hard to put ourselves out there and be real and honest with those around us (and often especially in church) when that is exactly the thing that we should be doing.
July 18th, 2006 at 11:31 pm
“actually, I’m having a bit of a bad day today - my children are in awkward moods, I’ve not had enough sleep and I have pmt!”
You can say this to me as often as you need to.
Can you move to Lancashire the I can come to your church?
July 19th, 2006 at 8:48 am
I have to go to work - I will come back later and add my two pennies worth!
July 19th, 2006 at 9:28 am
I guess I’d find it difficult to be too “real” at the church door, but I know I can say how I’m really feeling to my minister - I guess that’s because I’ve got to know him well. In our small group that meets on a Sunday night we are very open about things in our lives, I’m not sure its ever going to happen on a Sunday morning though.
July 19th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
It was a wonderful essay and I have moist eyes as I smile at many of the things you said. SO true!!! I am so happy to be in a REAL church, but like you I would have a problem saying to the greeters that “this morning has been ROUGH, my kids fought the whole way, I was irritated that my husband left early and I didn’t have help with the kids, and I CAN’T GET THE CHILD SIGN IN SCANNER TO WORK RIGHT! Thanks, and yourself?” As for the world…of if only we could be as perfect as it expects. What if we all took a day to just be REAL? I loved your post. Thanks.
July 19th, 2006 at 7:53 pm
Hi Suzy-saw you at Kontan’s and wanted to say hi and I really enjoyed your post. We live in a small town and you can’t be honest when asked how are you doing. If you actually said well I’m having this problem or that problem you are so afraid it will be all over town, so you just say fine and go on. It would be so nice to feel love and accepted esp in church. Great post!
November 27th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
[…] And now we arrive at the present. I’ve become more confident in myself, in my faith - I’m thinking deeper, I’m wanting more. I’m not actually going to church that regularly at the moment, because I’m finding it hard to find what I want in a church. I’m torn between thinking I’m being fussy and expecting too much and making church all about me and my needs … and thinking that there’s just something missing and church could be so much more. I’m looking for a feeling of community, acceptance, openness, being “real” … and I’m looking for lively singing … and I’m looking for a new kind of gospel message that is about the kingdom being here now, and not being about “be good so you can go to heaven”. I want to make a difference in the world, I want to make it a better place, I want … I described an idea of what it was I was looking for back in February - Church in my living room?. I want to do what God wants me to do. I want to do what Jesus wants me to do. I want to follow Jesus - I want to be a Jesus-Follower. […]